Confessions
by kashumaguflu
Summary: A short one-shot based off of a Feysand headcanon. I wasn't really happy with my first shot at this, so I updated the story a bit.
"Are you even trying?" Rhys says to me, a feline smirk gracing his lips.

I've spent the last three hours in the library, practicing my alphabet and reading more advanced books. I really am trying. It's just hard to concentrate when a certain High Lord is breathing down my neck and mocking my lack of skills.

I glare up at Rhys. He's being his usual arrogant self, thinking he's helping me when he's actually just pissing me off. I don't need his help with any of this. My reading and writing is good enough, and my fighting skills are improving. I don't need him.

"You don't have to be such a condescending prick!" I yell at him.

"I'm not," Rhys says calmly. "I'm only trying to help you."

"Why? Why do you think I want your help?" I ask him. "I've been doing fine on my own without you, and you're not making it any easier when you condescend to me." I pause and look up at him, amplifying the heat behind my glare. "I'm just now learning all of this. I've never been taught how to read or write. I became Fae only a few months ago. Quit being such an ass!" I take a breath. "You always look down at me like I'm useless. Well, this may be news to you, but I've spent my whole life trying to prevent that feeling of uselessness."

I stop my ranting. My face feels flushed and my chest is heaving as I try to catch my breath. Why do I always let him get a rise out of me? It's frustrating and exhausting, yet I just can't help myself.

Rhys walks around the table and sits across from me. He leans back in the chair and crosses his arms over his muscular chest. "I didn't know this was bothering you so much," he says quietly.

Of course he didn't.

"Of course you didn't," I state aloud. "You're too busy being the All-Mighty High Lord of the Night Court," I say mockingly. "You wouldn't understand an insufficient peasant of the human world." I rethink what I just said. "I mean, sure I'm Fae now, but you wouldn't understand that either." I drag my eyes to his violet ones. "You're ancient. You wouldn't know how I felt about all of this. You just think it's a big joke - that I'm a big joke."

I see something flicker in his eyes. Sadness? Guilt? Regret? But why would he feel any of those emotions.

Rhys releases a breath. "I'm sorry I made you doubt yourself. I didn't mean to make you feel less than what you are," he says softly. "I know what you are capable of, Feyre." He hesitates, as though he already wishes he wouldn't confess what he's about to say. "I've watched you. Not just Under the Mountain, but before that. I saw you during Calanmai at the Spring Court. I saw you with Tamlin and Lucien. I know how selfless you are. How hard you worked to protect those you care about - your family, Tamlin, Lucien, even all of Prythian." Rhys drags a shaky hand through his hair. "I know this because I see myself in you, Feyre."

I blink. Is he being serious? How could Rhysand understand me and what I'm feeling? Sure, we had a small connection while Under the Mountain. He helped me, though his ways were questionable. But he did save me, in more ways than one.

"I see myself in you, Feyre," he continues, "because I would do anything for what I love." He looks at me, his eyes searching mine. "Why do you think the Night Court was never harmed during Amarantha's reign? Because I sacrificed myself for my court. I took their place." Rhys takes a deep breath, "I became her whore and weapon, committing myself to her torture and abuse for almost 50 years, just to keep my court safe. My court is all I have left, and I would do anything to protect it, just as you would do anything to protect those you love."

I'm shocked. Rhys has never opened up to me. While we didn't have much time Under the Mountain to discuss these issues, I never knew he would share his deepest thoughts and fears with me.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask him.

He brings his hands down to his lap and stares at them. "Because I love you."

I stare at him in shock, my mouth hanging open. Rhys's voice is so gentle, I almost question what he said. But I heard him, although I don't understand it. How could he love me? I mean nothing to him - don't I?

"I love you, Feyre," he says quietly. He brings his eyes up to mine as he turns my world upside down. "I didn't let myself love you because I was terrified that you would be taken from me, just like everything else I've ever loved. And I didn't know how I could protect you from her." _Amarantha._

I notice the tears threatening to escape his starry violet eyes and my human heart breaks for him. His confession is so out of character that I'm stunned by this revelation.

Rhys gracefully stands from his chair and walks around the table to kneel by my side.

"Terrified, Feyre," he continues. He keeps saying my name, as though he could never say it enough. As if it's a prayer he repeats every night for hope of a better future. "And so I made you hate me. I did all those terrible things so that you wouldn't want anything to do with me. Because I wanted to keep you safe from me. I wanted what was best for you." Rhys gently takes hold of my left hand, where his tattoo is staring up at me. "And I let you go. I denied myself and my feelings for you and watched you walk away with Tamlin. Because I knew that was what you wanted." Rhysand pauses as he places a strong, calloused hand on my cheek. "And I would do anything, _anything_ to make you happy, Feyre. Even if it means destroying myself."

I meet Rhys's eyes and look at him, truly look at him. He seems so lost and broken and vulnerable. But he looks at me like he really does love me. All this time, since the moment I met him, even before Under the Mountain, he has always taken care of me. And without fail, Rhys put me first, before his own wants and needs - even if it broke his heart.

Before, I saw Rhys as a sadistic, twisted High Lord whose only concern was for himself. Now, after our time spent Under the Mountain and the few weeks I've spent with him in his court, I know differently. All I see is a man who has always been afraid to love and to be loved in return. He has always been in fear of losing all he has left.

He did everything for his court. He gave himself up to Amarantha. He took the title as her whore, therefore being humiliated by all of Prythian. He suffered through the shame, as well as the abuse afflicted upon him every night by the hands of their evil queen.

I see Rhys in a new light. I see myself in him - as my equal. We both suffered through countless tribulations in order to defend what we cared about. There are no two people in this world who understand each other better.

I lean towards Rhys and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his body to mine. I press my lips to his ear and tell him what has been plaguing my mind for the past few weeks. "I love you, too," I whisper. I feel so relieved to tell him. Like him, I have also been denying my feelings, afraid that what I felt for him was momentary and foolish. But now I know how much we truly understand each other - how similar we are. We are the same soul.

Rhys's arms move to enfold me in a lover's embrace, his shadows forming around us. My eyes sting with tears when I feel his body tremble against me, and I tenderly run my fingers through his soft raven hair. I bring my lips to his neck and press a gentle kiss to his skin. His shadows wrap around us, and I feel them swirling against my body.

"I'm not going anywhere," I tell him softly, knowing that my heart would cease to beat if I were to be separated from him. I'm surprised by my revelation. After confessing our inner feelings to each other, I know that I couldn't exist without him - my other half, my soul, my heart.

I can feel the relief radiating off Rhysand's body, his shadows moving in and pressing against my skin. He tugs me closer to him, as if he could draw my body into his, so that we'll never be alone again.

As I hold him to me, I realize that Rhys is my home, just as I am his. And I will never leave his side, because he is who I have been waiting for my whole life. Rhys is the only person who understands my heart and what I've been through. But now I don't need to deny it anymore. I know what I am to him and what he is to me.

Mates.


End file.
